At one point in time, there was, is or will be (forthwith stated as was) a person. Likely a man who underwent everything depicted in this work. This person was a tech support agent like any other, he was helpful in most situations. However may be agitated at a point of technological stupidity that is on par with trusting the Greek’s monument to Athena. (or for the less literary inclined, the “Trojan Horse”.) So much so that he would hang up on such calls and swear loudly. In fact loudly enough to be heard specifically in one spot on planet Mercury tied directly to his current location. This person also enjoyed stories tied to characters from fantasy, and superhero stories. The only truly abnormal thing about this person was the fact that he assisted people on Earth, however he worked in an office in a space station over Mercury. This station was set at exactly 57° Fahrenheit. The following is a transcript of this person's last day on the space station, and an introduction for him into a new realm of significance that only we can comprehend (Me, the author, and you, the reader specifically… If you couldn’t tell).
It was a normal day. Normal in the fact he woke up at 8:15, ate breakfast between 8:20 and 8:27 AM EST, then got to work. Before the specific call this narrative is about. There was only one call of note, and only because of the fact that it was just a prank call, and not a standard tech support call; However, this was the funniest prank call of all time. So, naturally it will not be displayed here. Now without further ado, the moment you’ve all been waiting for...
...An extended dialogue.
Caller: Hello?
Tech Support: Hello, how can I help you?
Caller: Yes. So, I am just here to inform you that you will be taking calls from me… Well past me… from here on out?
Tech Support: What? Past you? Is this another prank call?
Caller: No, I am being very serious.
Tech Support: Then explain to me how a past you could call me while present you is calling me?
Caller: Comic book bullshit, I worked in an extremely secret government weapons creations company.
Tech Support: Look I like a good sci-fi story as much as the next guy, but there is no need to live like you are in one.
Caller: Wait… I thought you were the tech support guy in space?
Tech Support:... How did you know that?
Caller: Because that's how the company advertises themselves.
Tech Support: I did not know that. I will take it up with HR.
Caller: Cool, so im gonna hang up now. Have fun with past me!
Tech Support: Wait! How many of you am I helping
Caller: 9 of me. In both order of when I called you and the time number. because it just happened to work that way. 9:45 A.M., 12:30 P.M.,1:42 P.M., 2:09 P.M., 2:50 P.M., 3:40 P.M., 5 P.M. 10:40 P.M., and 12:30 A.M.
Tech Support: Cool, I guess?
Caller: Yeah, alright I’ll patch you through to your 9:45.
Caller: Hello?
Tech Support: Hello, how may I help you?
Caller: My monitor just exploded in my face.
Tech Support: Wha-- How???
Caller: I set up a program. Whenever anyone enters a wrong password into my computer a random consequence occurs.
Tech Support: Okay? I don’t understand how I’m supposed to help with this.
Caller: Well the only result that blows up the monitor is supposed to destroy the computer itself.
Caller: And it didn’t.
Caller: Do you happen to have any history with bomb disposal?
Tech Support: Of course I, a regular tech support agent, have a storied history with bomb disposal… WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT I CAN HELP WITH THIS?
Caller: Because future you helped me with worse.
Tech Support: Huh, well. I guess… Do you have a basement?
Caller: Yes I do in fact.
Tech Support: Throw it into there, evacuate the house, and call the proper authorities.
Caller: Neat, okay patching you through to your next me.
Caller: Hello?
Tech Support: How may I help you?
Caller: I seem to have downloaded the Bubonic Plague to my phone.
Tech Support: That’s a metaphor for a serious virus right?
Caller: Nope, a literal digital version of the Bubonic Plague.
Tech Support: Okay. Get rid of the phone, destroy it and never use it again.
Caller: Okay, also just to warn you you’ll need a new set of technology after talking to me. This virus spreads just by connecting to any other piece of technology.
Tech Support: Alright, fine, next!
Caller: Hello?
Tech Support: How can I help you?
Caller: So, two things, One, I think i'll be making a few sequential calls after this, so the me you hear the next few time is from roughly the same time
Tech Support: Okay, and two?
Caller: Now, don't hang up on me
Tech Support: Oh god, what did you fuck up this time?
Caller: Well, I may or may not have created an AI with total unrestrained sentience.
Tech Support: Including Aasimov--
Caller: Especially Aasimov’s laws.
Tech Support: You say that like you’re proud
Caller: I only say it that way because I am.
Tech Support: Does it have a body?
Caller: About 82 million of them, with a million more well on their way
Tech Support: Any special features?
Caller: Nuclear capabilities
Tech Support: HOW BIG ARE THESE THINGS!?
Caller: only about 3 feet tall, but the explosions are only about 15 miles large, and the only way they can go full nuke is to die.
Tech Support: How does that hinder the progress of a single conscious spread over millions of bodies???
Caller: Huh, I guess I hadn't thought of the fact that an AI like that would find his own units to be expendable, not only because the size of the force is so large, but also because it can make more in a similar amount of time.
Tech Support: Why must you take so many years off of my life in one day?
Caller: Hey you can blame the other me’s for this
Tech Support: They won't play as large a role as this in me having a stroke at age forty.
Caller: Hey man, I don't even know what you’re gonna have to deal with soon.
Tech Support: How do you even get the technology to do this?
Caller: I work on the moon where we can test weapons with little repercussions
Tech Support: Oh, so then just don't let them leave
Caller: ...
Tech Support: They have a way to Earth don’t--
Caller: They have a way to Earth unfortunately.
Tech Support: Okay, wait, wait, wait… I have an idea
Caller: Shoot.
Tech Support: Remember the plague this phone has now?
Caller: Yes.
Tech Support: Does your phone have a way to connect to the A.I.
Caller: I like where this is going…
Tech Support: I think you can improvise from here.
Caller: I think I can too.
Tech Support: NEXT!
Caller: Hello?
Tech Support: Watcha got?
Caller: So I invented a machine to call your phone from seperate times to this specific time right?
Tech Support: Yes.
Caller: Well I hadn't taken into account that this machine could transfer all digital information and… The A.I. may or may not be waging war on history as we know it.
Tech Support: How are you able to recognize the fact history is being changed?
Caller: This specific moon base is built with a temporal stabilizer on it.
Tech Support: Okay I like sci-fi as much as the next guy but this is getting crazy, now we have a government created Terminator running across history nuking humanity…
Caller: Yes.
Tech Support: Do you have a time machine for humans?
Caller: Not one that can go to the past.
Tech support: So you can go to the future?
Caller: Yes.
Tech Support: when did you think the A.I went to to get bodies to go to war with the past? Furthermore, how do you think he brought his bodies to the past?
Caller: … Good point.
Tech Support: Of course it's a good point I’m a genius y’know.
Tech Support: NEXT!
Caller: Hello?
Tech Support: What did you do this time?
Caller: Timeline war.
Tech Support: You have got to be kidding me.
Caller: Nope I guess that the A.I going back in time to multiple different points made hundreds of timelines, we covered most of them. Except one.
Tech Support: I’m glad I’m up here
Caller: We exist in seperate times remember?
Tech Support: Fuck you’re right, I had better start securing this place.
Caller: So, how am I going to solve this one?
Tech Support: Mass migration.
Caller: What?
Tech Support: Get offworld ASAP.
Caller: And of the moon base?
Tech Support: Abandon it, let the A.I have the earth, move to Mars.
Caller: What if they try to track us down?
Tech Support: Mass EMP the Earth/Moon.
Caller: Alright, we’ll try it.
Tech Support: Nexteroni.
Caller: So I’m the one who kicked this all off.
Tech Support: What can I do ya for mr. exposition?
Caller: Well first I’d like to let you know I single handedly destroyed the A.I.
Tech Support: Oh?
Caller: I infected the information displacer with the plague, Every time the A.I used it it got infected. Earth is inhabitable again.
Tech Support: Congratulations. So what do ya need?
Caller: Just to make sure this new displacer worked.
Tech Support: Oh thank god.
Caller: You’re in for a wild and wildly idiotic ride for these next 2 calls.
Caller: Hello?
Tech Support: Whatcha want?
Caller: Made an evil clone of myself.
Tech Support: Do you still have the time machine?
Caller: Yes
Tech Support: Then just go back and don't do that, as a matter of fact undo every mistake you caused before this call.
Caller: That's… a really good idea
Tech Support: Next.
Caller: The clone followed me and is now working with the A.I from the past, fortunately they are locked in this point of time because i destroyed the time machine and this is the first displacer.
Tech Support: How many spaceships are there back at that base?
Caller: 5
Tech Support: Grab as many scientists as you can and come down here to Mercury and start a little tribe, but before you leave destroy any unused spaceships.
Caller: Good idea.
Caller: Ugh… hello..?
Tech Support: What did you do this time?
Caller: I got myself shot, I need to get my kid offworld.
Tech Support: Why, what happened?
Caller: The society here on mars was very successful, I had a kid, everything was good. Then the clone found its way down here, apparently it and the A.I. spent the last 4 years building their own ship, However from what I know the clone killed the A.I. the clone and I had a shootout, my wife is dead and I’m almost there too. Now, what are your coordinates?
Tech Support: My only consistent variable is a height of 80 kilometers over the surface, and that's just on average.
Caller: That's good enough for me. Preparing satellite launch protocol… Thank you for your help.
Caller: Goodbye.
The phone line dropped, and the tech support agent placed his phone on his desk. He then proceeded to go back to bed. As he lay there he looked at a picture on his night stand. As he stared at it he shed a tear.
Tech Support: Goodnight, dad...